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Talking to Your Family About Money

Growing up, there were three topics that I was told never to discuss with other people: politics, religion, and money.  As a result, finances were never discussed in my family. I never heard the word “budget” or had a good understanding of what a budget was. Nor did we discuss money management or the importance of saving.

My husband and I don’t want to repeat that same mistake, and discuss our budget and financial situation openly with not only our children, but our parents as well. Approaching the topic of finances can be tricky, but if you know what to focus on, hopefully the awkwardness will quickly fade and this once taboo topic can be openly discussed.

Talking With Your Spouse or Significant Other

When talking about your money with your spouse, you want to set aside time where  you can find some common goals that will require you to be on the same page financially and work together as a team. Perhaps you want a certain amount set aside for retirement, or would like to rid yourself of all of your debt. Set a common goal and then come up with a plan to start working towards that goal.

The next step is to sit down with your spouse and develop a spending plan or a budget. Both parties have to be in agreement, so be prepared to compromise. Don’t forget to include personal spending money for each of you. This will allow you to spend freely, up to a certain amount, so you don’t feel constricted by the budget.

Talking With Your Children

Teaching your children the value of money early on will set them up for success later in life. Understanding the importance of spending wisely and saving will provide the foundation that they will need as they get older and start to earn their own income.

We follow the 10% rule for saving with our children. Each week they receive $5 for chores completed. We set them up with both a checking account and saving account at our local bank, so each week, the girls will deposit their $5 dollars into their checking account and then immediately transfer 10% into their savings account. This also goes for any money that they receive for Christmas or their birthdays.

If you’re comfortable, it’s also helpful if you are honest about your money mistakes as they get older and talk about how some of those mistakes impacted your ability to save or give. You can also make them part of the budget meetings and have their input about family goals that are important to them and show them that in order to achieve those goals, other line items might need to be scaled back or sacrificed.

More than anything though, it’s important that you lead by example. What children see happening in the home has a far greater impact on their future behavior than just discussing what they should be doing with their money.

Talking With Your Parents

Although discussing money with your parents as a grown child might be the most awkward money conversation you’ll have, it’s important to have these conversations as early as you can. It’s important to be informed about their estate plan, whether they have planned for retirement, and what arrangements, if any, have they made for long-term care.

Before beginning the conversation, you want to make sure that you also talk with siblings or other family members on the best way to bring up the topic and plan for a time when the family is together. The time when you decide to approach the topic will depend on your family dynamic.

Deciding when to approach the topic is one thing, figuring out how you’re going to start is the tricky part. If you don’t know where to start, try starting with your own experiences first. You could start off by sharing that you’re thinking of purchasing long-term care insurance or looking at how much is enough to set aside for retirement and ask for advice. Their responses could then be used to get into the conversation around how prepared they are and what measures, if any, they have in place for their long-term care should they get ill and be unable to care for themselves.

The most important information you want to gather from your parents is information about their will, health care arrangements, and power of attorney. Your parents should have in place a will outlining who they have named to make any medical or financial decisions should they become unable to. Ask your parents to assemble a list of accounts, and contact information for their advisers, lawyer, and accountant if they have one. Getting organized while everyone is healthy is key. There is nothing worse than trying to scramble to gather all of the necessary documents in the face of a medical emergency or when dealing with grief.

Your Turn!

 

 

  • What conversations have you had with your family about money?
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