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Living In The Moment

This past weekend I had the fortune of watching my sister get married it was an amazing weekend, but the week leading up to it started off pretty tough.

I had been working for weeks to get ready for the Tiny House Conference because once I saw my sister walk down that aisle, I was off to Portland.  It meant that I had to have almost everything in order before then.  I was feeling good, a little stressed, but good.  I had nailed my to do list and was even doing some bonus things when I walked to my car…

IMG_3379The window had been smashed in and quite a few things had been stolen.  I had hidden my backpack under the seat, but apparently the thief still spotted it.  In that bag was $800 of really important things for the conference, my check book, but thank goodness, not my laptop.

I was angry.  I was upset.  I didn’t have time to deal with this right now.  What I had been working so hard for during the past year felt threatened.  Not that the Conference was in jeopardy, but the bag stolen symbolized one thing to me: my tools to write, to podcast, to build the movement.  I felt like these tools and what I do were cheapened; what cost me $800 of hard earned dollars to do what I loved, was being hocked at a near by thrift store for a few bucks.


This was compounded by the fact that since I was leaving so soon, I might not be able to get the things I needed before I left and once I left, I didn’t know exactly where to have things shipped.  Needless to say, emotionally I was in a bad place.  A darker place than I’ve been in for a long time.

Anger-Quotes-14This angered me even more, because in the end it wasn’t just money, it wasn’t just the tools for what I love doing, it was the worry, the fear, that I would carry that anger into the weekend where I would not be able to fully appreciate and be fully present in the biggest day in the life of someone who I care about.  I felt like that was what was robbed from me.



It was then and there that I resolved myself to not let that person who smashed that window take this amazing moment in time from me: seeing my little sister walk down the aisle.

I had no idea how I was going to do it, but I knew I had to figure it out.

I took some time, of which I really didn’t have to take, to think about this.  How do I deal with this anger?  How do I deal with this fear?  How do I deal with having to spend $800 plus few hundred for the car to be fixed?

I remembered a person from my past who once shared the notion of Paradoxical Gratitude, the idea that when something bad happens to you, you look at the positives of what surrounds it.  An example would be: if a loved one dies, you focus on the fact that you have living friends and family that are there to support you in your time of need.

I liked the premise of this and it stuck with me over the years, a tool in my tool box to help me be grateful for what I did have.  It was time to use that tool.

I thought to myself:

  • How amazing it was that I had built a life for myself that I had the money to weather this storm.
  • How I patted myself on the back for my ability to roll with the punches and get things done.
  • How thankful I was that my mother had time to drive down to the car dealership and we then spent the afternoon together.
  • How cool Macy Miller was about me saying I needed to take a few weeks off from the podcast when I shared the files of 5 podcasts and all my podcasting gear had been stolen.
  • How fortunate I was in life, how I had a house, a job, a car, friends and family.

These were the thing I repeated to myself over the following days.  I had to make a concerted effort to push myself out of that darkness and into a place where I focused on gratitude.  It was hard.  It is easy to fall into a place of anger when we feel like we have been wronged, but I knew the stakes were too high.

Then came the day of the wedding.

My sister and I are pretty different people:  She loves clothes and shopping, I buy multiples of the same shirt and hate every minute of it.  I went to a liberal arts school that shunned greek life and had no real sport teams; she went to a bigger school and joined a sorority where she went to all the games with her sorority “sisters”.  Despite all our differences, we get along well and I’m proud to call her my sister.  She would correct me and say “your favorite sister” a running joke because I only have one.  So I was very excited for her because I knew how important this day was for her and thus, it was important to me.

I was standing outside, looking down at grounds where the wedding would happen and was mindfully saying what I was grateful for to myself.  The wedding was about to start and then something clicked in me.  The focus on gratitude had paid off.  I was standing with my brothers, my father, the groom and the weather couldn’t have been more perfect; it was a great day!

The wedding kicked off and I saw my little sister, my favorite sister, get married.  She struggled to hold back the tears as she said “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward”  and I wasn’t much better.


My parents, my sister and her now husband.

The night went quickly after that, sitting for dinner, being rushed back out for more photos, going back in for the first dance, and then getting to see so many family and friends.  My face hurt from smiling when my head hit the pillow at 3am.  A good day…. no, a great day.

So I wanted to share this story to encourage you to live in the moment, to foster gratitude in your life, to making conscious decisions in your life to deal with the anger, the fear, the doubt, the negativity and go to that place of happiness.

– Ryan


5 Things You Can Discard Today

Stuff. Collection. Keepsakes. Junk. Clutter. Call it what you will and spell it how you may. It is still a four-letter word in the tiny house community. Stuff is one of those multi-description things that has the ability to hold you back, weigh you down, and otherwise keep you from true freedom! In the book Fight Club author Chuck Palahniuk writes: The things you own end up owning you. It’s only after you lose everything that you’re free to do anything.

Storage Unit

Yet still, getting rid of stuff can be difficult at best. There has been conversation before about the freedom’s gained by downsizing but for us it was about taking the things we loved so much and sharing them with others. We weren’t actively using them so why not let someone who would use them, have them. Doing so allowed us to have a more peaceful, clutter-free home and helped our transition into a tiny house a much easier one. Hopefully following these tips will allow you to experience the same freedom.

1. Kitchen Drawers

Doesn’t everyone own and use two sets of ice tongs and a minimum of four ‘sporks’ from your favorite Taco Bell? If this is you perhaps you should consider paring down. A good way to do so is to institute a 3-bin system. This systems consists of two boxes and one drawer. First empty out your kitchen drawer into the first box. As you use each utensil place it into the second box. If you need to use it again take it out of the second box, use it, and return it to the drawer. It now warrants enough usage to keep. Anything that remains in box two or box one at the end of a pre-determined time get discarded.

2. Coffee Mugs

Service of four and two for guests. That is pretty much all you need. Beyond that you can purchase mugs for about $0.25 at the thrift store. Then you can use it and discard it again and not feel guilty for the purchase.

Coffee Mugs

3. Receipts

Yes, it is wise to keep gift receipts in case someone doesn’t like something, won’t use something, got multiples of something, or the gift is dysfunctional. However, if the receipts are just general purchases there are more efficient and space-conscious ways of keeping receipts. Consider a program/App like Evernote or a scanning program that typically comes with a new printer.

4. Periodicals

Magazines have become a decorating accessory through the years. No guest room is complete without a stack by the bed and on bathroom is ready for guests without a small library. But if the year is 2015 and the periodical is from 1999 chances are it is out-of-date and of little interest to anyone. Consider changing out magazines and even books with newer, more fresh material that is more enjoyable to read and more current in its topics.


5. Electronics

The nostalgia for a Motorola pager is great. All Jedi know that. However, the user for one is non-existent. This applies to Blackberry’s, Razr flip phones, Kyocera brick phone, and Sony Walkmans. De-cluttering is not limited to the kitchen. eJunk is a very real problem and it seems the average family has quite a collection of useless devices. Perhaps the problem is not knowing how to dispose of them, parting with them after such an initial expense, or just said nostalgia, after all. Fight the urge though and gain space back by permanently burying that coveted 5-disk changer that was once so popular.

Your Turn!

  • Do you have a problem getting rid of things around the house?
  • Is your kitchen the first place clutter builds up?

New Year’s Resolutions

So for many years I’ve written about how you shouldn’t have new year’s resolutions.  How you should focus on what you have accomplished, not what you don’t yet have.  There are a lot of good reasons to not set goals at new years, but this year I decided, all that be damned, I want to make a list!

Now to be fair, some of these are goals I’ve already set, they are just a reaffirmation to myself.  After this post I’d love to hear your goals and tips for reaching goals!

Goals are important things, they bring a focus to your life, they allow you to determine how to prioritize things.  It can make decisions simpler: “does this action get closer to my goal?”.  They can also be used to achieve a much larger goal, by breaking that big goal, into smaller steps.

The list of goals could be a bucket list, a list of affirmations, it could be new year’s resolutions, what ever form or name you use, there are a few key things to consider.

  1. Write your goals down and post where you’ll see them daily
  2. Make sure your goals are specific, concrete and realistic
  3. Have deadlines.  Someday almost always turns into never
  4. Make them worded so you can objectively know when they are achieved

Looking back at 2014 I am really happy with what I achieved, there were some really big wins for me.

The first was I able to write and publish a book through a publisher and see it on the shelves in Barnes & Nobel.  The book also just hit number one on Amazon for two categories, making it the top tiny house book of 2014.  You can check it out here.

Another big goal for me was to travel to and live in another country.  For this, I choose Croatia for a lot of reasons, you can read about it here.

In 2014 I decided I wanted to read more fiction.  Most of my reading has been non fiction and I felt like I was lacking in reading fun stuff.  So I set myself to read more fiction this past year, in the end, I read 41 fiction books.

Finally and most obviously, I moved into my tiny house!  It’s been great finally getting to live in it and life has changed a lot for the better.

So for 2015 my goals are going to look a bit different from last year because I’ve now hit my three largest and toughest goals on my bucket list.  Plus living in a tiny house has opened a lot of doors for me: financially I have more funds to make things happen, time wise I have a lot more free time and how I meet my obligations have become a lot more flexible, and finally I now can work from anywhere, so I can be anywhere (with my tiny house or otherwise).

My Goals For 2015:

  1. Have an awesome Tiny House Conference in Portland and meet a lot of cool people doing it!
  2. Take at least one extended vacation: road trip across the US and/or live in Budapest/Berlin for 3 months.
  3. See my sister walk down the aisle: She is getting married in March
  4. Start a new business in order to diversify my income
  5. Find or start a Mastermind Group

My Long Range Goals:

  1. Sail from Florida to Mexico, arriving to see the Giant Sea Ray migration
  2. Do a river boat tour down the Danube or Rhine
  3. Go see the fall colors in New England
  4. Go on the Trans Siberian Railroad in luxury class
  5. Learn to play the harmonica
  6. Continue being self employed
  7. Pay with cash for my next car

Your Turn!

  • What are some of your goals?
  • What are some tricks and tips to achieve your goals or keep motivated?

My First Winter In A Tiny House

After getting back from Croatia I’ve been learning a good bit about living in my tiny house in the winter.  This December in Charlotte has been breaking records left and right for how cold it has been.  Most mornings when I wake up it’s been in the 20’s which is very cold for this time of year.

The real issue for me has been right now I’m running off a generator and propane heater for my heat.  Soon my solar panels will be installed and I can shift to my mini split.  The generator has been working well, but because of how energy intensive the heater is and how cold it is, a full tank will only last about 3-4 hours.  The propane heater works great too, a 1 lb propane tank will last about three hours.

My strategy has been mainly to heat the house up for about an hour while I get ready for bed and then shut things off.  With the propane heater, its a “catalytic” heater that while is technically a flame, it is more efficient and doesn’t use up as much oxygen as a open flame would.  I don’t want to leave it running when I sleep because of it being a flame and also the danger of low oxygen.  The heater has a low oxygen detector that will shut it off if it comes to that, but I don’t want to chance it regardless.  Once I fall asleep, I’m fine until I wake up anyway.

One thing that I’ve learned is that the floor is always cold.  Being on a trailer there is obviously an air gap below the trailer.  I know a lot of people have used skirts for their house, but I’m not a fan of the look and its not windy in my location, so I’m not sure how effective it would be.  It may come to be installing a skirt of a sort, but I think I’d like to start with trying an area rug.  I think this might be an easy way because I noticed that when I stepped on a piece of cardboard that I happened to have on the floor, it seemed to do a pretty good job of feeling warm on my bare feet.

So far it’s been a pretty cold winter in my tiny house.  That’s about to change.

Very soon a solar panel system is going in that will change my heating situation drastically.  I will have a huge battery bank that will let me run my mini split and keep my space heated and on a timer, without the danger of an open flame or running the generator.  The timer will be really helpful because I can drop the temperature when I’m asleep nestled under my covers, but then ramp back up right before I wake up and have to get out of bed.  I’ll also be able to set it to maintain a minimum temperature, which will be nice because I can keep it a reasonable temperature, but not draw a ton of power.

The other thing I’ve noticed is since its been so cold outside, I’ve been inside my house more and wanting to go outside.  Nothing really bad, but I’ve been so used to be going for long walks and just enjoying the weather since its so much warmer in Croatia, right now its a little too cold to just spend time outside.  I have been spending some time at the gym, at cafes and I also went out and bought an outdoor fire place to have a fire pit at my tiny house.  All of these have been great for handling this need to get up and do something.  I think this will subside when I get power setup because I can then get internet hooked up and set up my desk.  That will help a lot.

Tiny Houses, Homeless And Low Income Housing Options

Alright this post is inevitably going to ruffle some feathers and bring much disagreement.  However I still feel like I need to share my thoughts on this topic.  So if folks disagree, let’s try to keep the conversation civil and productive even if we disagree.  Also please read the full post before commenting, because without doing so, I don’t get to finish my point, which may address your comment.   So into the fire we go…


I guess a good place to start is what I think tiny houses are good for and a little of my background.  Before I took the leap to my current career, I worked directly with homeless and in other non profit capacities where I came face to face with the realities of homelessness, drug use, child abuse, systemic generational poverty and a whole host of other major social issues.  It was both inspiring to see the unsung heroes like single mothers trying to keep a stable home and the tragic realities of drug use tearing families apart at all income levels.

I share this because unlike most, I’ve had to grapple with the issues first hand.  More importantly I worked on some of the most progressive programs in the country to tackle these issues.  I’ve seen what actually makes a difference, what makes an impact, and what doesn’t work; because I’ve been there, basically what I’m saying is I feel I’m more informed on this topic than most folks out there.

So what are tiny houses good for?  I believe they are a great way for people to reclaim the future, a future without debt, a future with possibilities and opportunities.  I see tiny houses as a major activator for people.  It is a way that people can be their most actualized self’s.  This is a really important point that I want to make for this entire post, most of what I’m going to say is predicated on this single notion. 


I believe that tiny houses should be built, designed and lived in for one to achieve self actualization, not just for basic needs.  I think that anything short of that is a failure. In some cases it could be of the person or of society, its support services and general functions; realistically its a mix of both at varying degrees.  At this point I will generally say across the board, we all can do better.  I believe a person should work hard, do their best, and carry their fair share, but I also know we as a society have challenges in enabling people to be the best we can be and we can do better.  Imagine a society where every person is brought to their maximum potential, I’m not sure it will ever be possible, but even getting close would be awe inspiring.

So now what I think tiny houses aren’t for.  I feel that if a person chooses a tiny house because the are financially left with no other option then they should not live in a tiny house.  That is not because I don’t think low income folks shouldn’t live in tiny houses or I’m trying to maintain some status quo; it is because I feel that if someone chooses a tiny house because that’s the only thing they can afford then we as a society have failed.  I also know in order to live in such a tiny space, if your motivation isn’t 100% because you have come to the determination that a tiny house is for your best life, it won’t work out; you’ll end up moving out soon after and trying to get back you money through selling it.

Let’s be clear, I’m not against this because of the person, but because somewhere along the way, that person was put into that compromising situation.  Let’s not get into the potential political implications here of socialization, “entitlement programs” and other way society can support individuals.  Instead let us agree that if someone is forced into a tiny house because they financially have no other choice, something went wrong: in reality that person could have done things differently, our community and neighbors could have done things differently and our society/government could have done better too; let’s skip specifically how they could have done better, because it will just muddle the issue we are discussing here.


So who should live in a tiny house?  I believe that a person should live in a tiny house when the first four levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs (the image above) are fulfilled.  This means that the person has all their basic needs met, they are secure, they have a support system, and are in good esteem about themselves.  Note in that I don’t tie that to any financial status, but the realities of this world mean that these things are intrinsically tied to money.  Right now it takes money to put a roof over your head, to put food on the table and keep you healthy, warm and clean.

It is true that a tiny house can equate to a roof over your head and the money situation changes in favor of food, warmth, etc.  But I feel like we should not just leave it there.  Tiny houses should be beautiful and well designed homes, not a budget utilitarian structure.  The reason being is that if its just a house built with the cheapest materials possible, with only utility in mind, with choices made because of budget, we again are failing because one can not achieve their maximum potential in a poorly executed tiny house.

bad design

I believe that a well designed space that has good materiality and quality craftsmanship is the only way to be actualized.  So in general I don’t like the notion that “I’m going to build the cheapest house possible because that’s all I can afford.”  It is not that cheap materials can’t be used to achieve great things, that unique can’t be beautiful, that quirky can’t be fun, but again, you should choose them because you have the choice of whatever is best for you.  And studies support this notion: studies have shown a better designed and appointed environment will make us happier, learn more, be more vibrant and think better.

Basically what I’m saying is that a person must first attain a level of quality of life, of inner peace and essentially prosperity before I think they should live in a tiny house.  Now I unquestionably understand there is a bit of the chicken or the egg paradox going on here, there are many that need a tiny house to change the game so they can achieve that prosperity, but I argue against this not because it’s the person’s fault – not necessarily, of course there are exceptions -, but that situation signals a failure somewhere in the system.  Again, lets not try to place a finger on where or who, because it will take us off topic here.

To take this a bit further I believe that a person should only make a choice to live in a tiny house when they have the option to live in a larger home and that choice would be a relatively easy one for them to execute on financially. The reason being that by being in that situation of having options, you can then choose what is best for you.  That could be a tiny house, a small house, an sail boat or possibly even a larger home.


The truth is if you can’t meet your basic needs (food, water, shelter), if you are always worrying about money, if you massively in debt, or some other compromising situation for whatever reason, you are operating in survival mode or from crisis to crisis.  In this state it forces a person to operate at a more basic level because you’re constantly worried about making rent/bills/etc that month, even though you are capable of a much higher level of being.

I think this is particularly true and important to note because many of the folks, though exceptions certainly exist, who started the movement and now tell the stories of tiny living (the main bloggers) were in a place where they had a choice. So when we read the blog posts we need to be able to differentiate the difference between their life of having those first four levels addressed and what actually stems from the tiny house.  I assert that a lot of the desirable traits of tiny houses are more so from being fulfilled not the house itself.

Thus getting into a tiny house is a poor way to achieve these things.  If you are at an economic disadvantage, if your health isn’t good, if you job doesn’t pay you enough, you have huge debt, or your stuck in a compromising position, a tiny house doesn’t fix that.  It may ease these burdens, but we should instead focus on the core issue, the root of the problem.  To not address these things and still live in a tiny house will not help and possibly make things worse if say the city comes and says you can’t live there.  Then you’re out all the money and no better off, in fact you’d be much worse off.

I want to illustrate having a house does not equal happiness, most often it merely amplifies the good or bad things that were already there.  The notion that most people who first came to the movement had options to live in most any way they wanted weighs out, particularly when the movement first started.  It is getting less this way, which I think is a good thing.

Back in 2010 we conducted a survey of 4,000 tiny house folks, most people who lived in tiny houses made an average individual income of $48,000 (if two income earns: ~$80,000) which is way more than the average household in the US.  What this means is the people who were the first to build and live in tiny homes on wheels had enough to make those choices freely.  Of course exceptions exists, but I also know they are the minority and little indication of the majority.

Again this is not to equate money with happiness, quality of life, or similar things, but the reality is that if you do have enough money (maybe not a lot) you can attain things which help towards this cause.  You can keep a roof over your head, you have health insurance that keeps you healthy, you don’t stress about paying bills which is the number one cause of divorce and stress today.  These things set the stage to be happy, but don’t necessarily cause or bring happiness.

One study that does tie in here: A recent Princeton study of 450,000 Americans found that people who make $75,000 annually seems to be the sweet spot.  At that level the person can have all the things they need, they can save for a rainy day, and they have some extra for entertainment.  Now that also doesn’t jive with the reality of most Americans, because the average median household income is about $43,000.

It is also certainly true that anyone at any level of economic status can be happy, but its also true that if you get sick and have no way to see a doctor, if you go to bed hungry, if you don’t get a good sleep consistently because you worry about bills,  it’s going to put a damper on things quickly.

Along these lines, if you live in a utilitarian house that is not beautiful, just ok craftsmanship, and cheap materiality you cannot attain your highest level of being.  I see folks living in home depot sheds with no insulation, they used T1-11 for siding, or things of that nature and I can’t see how they can meet their full potential in that space. I see people who live full time in RV’s, mobile homes, and the like which again, you can certainly have a decent life, but I don’t think you’ll find your full potential in those spaces.

To live in these spaces, I am not convinced that those folks can be their best selves in that structure. Can they be pretty happy and doing fine, sure. However I don’t want to see people do just “ok” or to scrape by, I want to see people grow to their best self.

Now I think there are certainly exceptions to everything and I think the tiny house movement has proved that breaking the norms is a powerful thing.  So I’d like to mention some exceptions that come to mind, but certainly are not limited to just these.

In all this it’s obvious that I don’t think tiny houses should be used as a tool to end homelessness.  That is because those who are homeless do not have their basic needs met and thus cannot have an actualized life until they are met.  I don’t believe that someone should live in a tiny house because they can’t do anything else.  If someone doesn’t come to the decision of tiny houses because they have come to that decision on an actualized state, it most likely will not work for them long term, tiny houses only really work out for those that intrinsically desire to live in such a small space.

What role I do see tiny houses in for the homeless is in a temporary housing option where we can stabilize them and get them into services to reintegrate them into a normal life.  In general the time they live in a tiny house should be used to get them healthy, feeling secure, start any mental health treatments or rehab services if needed, then get them into an employment opportunity and an apartment/group home.  In general I think they should be transitioned out of a tiny house in 6 months to a year at most.  At which point we focus on stability, treatment, mitigating negative behaviors, establishing new behaviors, and establishing healthy relationships.

In terms of lower income folks who are semi stable, but still living pay check to pay check, I feel like we need to focus not on a tiny house, but increasing that person’s economic prosperity, boosting income, getting out of debt and building a rainy day fund.  This could be achieved though pursuing further education, seeking higher paying jobs, support services of various kinds and a variety of other things.  Again lets not get into politics here and also please don’t read this as “poor people should just work harder or get a better job” because I disagree with that statement vehemently.  I do believe that people should have the opportunity to live a quality life that is productive and happy.

It is from there that I think that lower income folks can transition to a highly stable and actualized place, then make the decision to live in a tiny house or not.  Though many will argue that a tiny house will get people there sooner or might be the only way it would be possible to do so.  I agree and disagree with parts of that notion.  Again I feel that if someone is in this place its at least partly a systemic issue that needs be addressed.  Because again, a tiny house won’t fix the problem, it may just ease it’s outcomes, but its toxicity still exists.

Finally, to be fair, I should pick on those who do have the financial means to choose, because money doesn’t equal happiness and the pursuit of income can bring about negative behaviors that are counter to hierarchy of needs we are trying to achieve.  If you are one that earns, say $75,000 a year, there is very few situations that you should not be living your most actualized life.   You want to ensure you meet your needs, but also do things that will ensure you continue to live that way in the future.

With any career, it can be easy to spend too much time at work; a work life balance is notoriously difficult to achieve, but vital to your happiness.  You need to balance your work demands with the people in your life and self care.  Make sure you’re doing what makes you most happy.  Spend time with family, with your kids and friends.  Be a good partner to your significant other, communicate your needs, honor their needs, and be a giving lover.

In most situations you should be saving a sizable portion of your income for three things: retirement, rainy day fund, and upcoming big expenditures to avoid debt.  With this you are able to pay for today, save for tomorrow and weather the ups and downs in life.  A great quote that I’ve come to know as true is “there  is no dollar sign on peace of mind, this I’ve come to know”.

So that was a lot, but I feel much better sharing my thoughts on this topic, even if it will cause some disagreements.  At this point I guess I should reiterate that disagreements are fine, but let’s keep it civil, let’s have productive conversations that bring two viewpoints to a place where we move forward.  As with most of my musings, I share these ideas in this post as where I am currently in my thinking, but that is not a static thing; I certainly can be wrong and that’s okay because I learn from it.

Your Turn!

  • What role should tiny houses play with homelessness and affordable housing?
  • How would you solve the issue of someone not being fully actualize, but considering a tiny house?
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